To the one who has waited too long

Mukhtar Mai, my heart weeps for you, it bleeds for you. It wept the day I heard of you & what you had been through. It will continue to do until you get justice, which I fear you won’t. For years I have waited for our country to come to its senses & give you the justice you deserve. Instead, we have given you nothing but more pain, more grief.

Mukhtar, I apologise for your plight, a plight that could have prevented, could have been addressed had those in power created just laws. Alas, ours are not just unjust, but divinely so.

Mukhtar, your courage has been inspirational & your strength has been admirably formidable. You represent strength for so many women. We stand by you. We weep for you, we bleed for you. You are our pillar of strength.

Ridiculous Wedding Excuses

So you’re getting married. Great! Whoop dee doo. La la la. *rain dance*

Happy? Apparently not… somehow it seems that without a hoard of people clapping them into intercourse, they cannot be truly happy. I’ve had many people try and threaten me with: “I’m not ever coming to your wedding! No one will come to your wedding!”  only to hear this reply: “That’s the point, moron!”

Pakistani have perfected the fine art for being constantly offended for one not participating in their month long “oooh my money LOOK! Shaadi shaadi shaadi!” celebrations and Nabiha has perfected the art of sending them excessively sarcastic & rude excuses. Here are some:

1. I fell in love
2. I fell out of love
3. I was about to get my period (PMS)
4. I got my period
5. I got post-menstrual crankiness after that. The whole month was ruined I tell you! RUINED!
6. I chipped a nail & cried for 3 days since I’m a woman.
7. Weddings depress me because my aim in life is to get married & pop 20 kids in a row since I am, after all, a woman. WHY won’t anyone marry me, damn it! (wailing starts)
8. I’m due for a wedding induced aneurysm that day.
9. My waxing lady fell sick. People would have thought a bear in sari has walked in.
10. And I also couldn’t get my face waxed. I was shit scared someone would mistake me for a goat and sacrifice me!
11. I am allergic to perfume. You don’t want me to die now, do you?
12. I have erythrophobia, which is fear of the colour red (via @mahnooryawar)
13. I burnt my sari while ironing it.
14. I burnt the house down actually.
15. I died temporarily. Want a doctor’s note?
16. I went into a coma for a few weeks. What a coincidence it was during the mating season…
17. I had promised my belly button I’d take care of all that fuzz.
18. I have a big date with my toe-nails. They’re very long with loads of dirt. Wanna see?
19. You spelt my name wrong. I’m not a Sheikh with an E. If you truly loved me, you’d know that. I’m so offended.  I thought we were close. I guess I was wrong. I feel betrayed. You betrayed me! (wailing)
20. What card? Something came for Mr & Mrs Shaikh & family. My name is not family.
21. You called my mother a Mrs. You are sexist & I a feminist. Conflict of interest here!
22. I converted to a new religion & going to weddings is strictly prohibited. You’re welcome to join me in a pork eating ceremony though. Ooops that conflicts with your beliefs now does it? Awww but come on it’s for my happiness, na!
23. I don’t believe in marriage. No seriously I don’t & if you don’t know that then we’re not good enough friends for me to attend your wedding anyway.
24. I absolutely refuse to reward this shameless display of heterosexuality.
25. I don’t attend weddings that don’t invite hijras.
26. I’m lactose intolerant. I accidentally ate some cheese and spent the evening farting.
27. You’re a firm believer in horoscopes, right? Well, my astrologer told me not to leave the house because I was in danger since Venus was in retrograde & Scorpio was blocking the sun! Apparently an anvil would have hit me on the head…
28. I was busy writing a rant about how much I hate you for inviting me to your wedding. Oh, and your present is not making it public by putting it up on my blog.
29. Errmm when were we even friends?! Just because I know you, doesn’t mean I like you enough to put on a sari.

And here are some actual conversations I’ve had:

“Oh you see the thing is that I fell off the toilet, hit my head on the floor & got amnesia.”

“But you missed the WHOLE wedding. When did this happen?”

“Errmm what were your dates again?”

“You missed my wedding!” said an indignant cousin. “WHY weren’t you there?”

“Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry. My allergies were acting up. I thought I was going to die! It’s a miracle I’m alive, really.”

“That’s so sad, Nabs. So sorry to hear that & now I understand, you poor thing. What are you allergic to anyway?”

“Weddings and aunties…”

All jokes aside, the people I personally judge the most are those who don’t even consider giving me a break for this very genuine excuse: “it’s exam/essay time. My students need me & I need to mark papers, not shake butt cheeks.” Just the very fact that someone is asking me to sacrifice education for their shameless display of riches in a poor land speaks volumes about their character. Anyone who thinks that their self-indulgent events are more important than education is, frankly, someone I’d rather not associate with. They are not the kind of company I keep.

Furthermore, the next time someone tells me to at least show my face (the moun to dekha do! whine) I’m going in pjs with oil in hair, unthreaded, unshowered, looking worse than anyone can even imagine. Either that or I’m sending this picture:

Women and the Quran

• The Quran is not an inherently patriarchal text. Because Muslim societies have historically been highly misogynist, patriarchy has been read into the Quran. The Quran has been interpreted with prejudices against women since the those interpretations focus on the male as norm without substantial support or evidence. The Quran needs to be constantly reinterpreted depending on the context it is being applied in, so that it can maintain universality. The overall message of the Quran emphasises justice and egalitarianism.

• According to the Quran, men and women are created equal, but have different functions and roles in society. This is because the Quran recognizes differences in gender; however, it does not advocate essentialist roles. Furthermore, the Quran recognizes the cultural differences between men and women’s work, but does place any judgements on them.

• Creation:
  1. The creation of humans is not expressed in terms of gender. The Quran does not state that Adam was created first; the language is generic. Similarly it does not state that Eve was the second person since the Arabic equivalent is ‘spouse.’ Therefore, it could be male or female.
  2. Humans were created as caretakers for Earth, not heaven.
  3. Unlike the Biblical account of creation, Eve is not blamed for disobeying Allah.
  4. At creation, male and female were not defined. The only thing that is stated is that women bear children due to biology. Men and women are seen as equal partners.

• Paradise:
  1. Descriptions of Paradise were meant to appeal to the patriarchs of Arabia in order to encourage them to join the religion. The early verses (Makkah) do indeed promise huris, who are beautiful virgins, as rewards in heaven.
  2. However the later verses (after migration to Madina) switch to the generic and state that everyone will be rewarded with companionship.
  3. The real and true purposes of paradise are peace, transcendence from Earth, and most importantly, Allah’s company. This is possible for both genders.

• Veiling:
  1. Veiling is not prescribed for all women in the Quran. It was advocated for Prophet Muhammad’s wives.
  2. Modesty is urged for both men and women.

• Inheritance:
  1. The Quran ensures women inherit equitably and gives women the right to property.
  2. The ‘one third the share of the males for the females’ formula is a suggestion, not a prescription.

• Divorce:
  1. Men have the right to vocally divorce women. Women can not initiate divorce without an arbitrator.
  2. Emphasis is on equitable reconciliation or separation.
  3. A couple can only divorce each other twice (thus limiting constant remarriage).

• The Quran banned practices that have severe ramifications for women such as female infanticide, the sexual abuse of female slaves, denying women property and inheritance. It also restricted others such as polygamy.

• The Quranic verse on polygamy restricts the number of wives a man can have to four. However, one condition for polygamy is equal treatment, and many argue that since this is not possible, polygamy is not realistically possible.

• While women’s responsibility is child bearing, men’s responsibility is to provide economic stability. Although women are identified as child bearers, nurturing is not assumed to be essentialist to mothers.

• The Quran does not emphasise men as more ‘natural’ or ‘capable’ rulers. Bilquis, the Queen of Sheba, is the only ruler who is talked about favourably.

• Although no women are identified as prophets in the Quran (again, in terms of context, it would have been almost impossible for a female to succeed in highly patriarchal societies), many are talked about. Additionally, some are identified as having received wahy or divine revelation, such as Mary and Moses’ mother.

Most of the information used for this presentation came from two main sources:

1. Amina Wadud. Qur’an and Woman: Rereading the Sacred Text from a Woman’s Perspective
2. Asma Barlas. “Believing Women” in Islam: Unreading Patriarchal Interpretations of the Qur’an

How Low Can You Go?

A couple of weeks or so ago, I wrote this article, which was also published here. The reaction was ferocious & people decided to only read the ironic part as serious and chose to ignore my actual opinion. I was threatened as expected and since then, people have been trying to change my blog’s password.

My point in this blog post simply was that the Newsweek list of women shaking Pakistan was not a representative list. I used what made for good content and my personal opinion of the women I’ve mentioned is that what they are doing is commendable and worthy of admiration.

However, some people chose to read this only for offense and now they’re crossing all limits. My blog comments are moderated and I have the right to reject comments that are slanderous & threatening.

I was issued the following rape threat by a Saima Ameen Hameed, presumably a transvestite who still uses her male name as her email address, which is khan.moeen@yahoo.com & whose IP address is 207.204.234.24: “I think all you need is a really big one in your cunt. Do you agree Nabiha? I would love to give it to you…”

And then said: “I’m going to be posting a short (but vivid) video of you on Youtube.com. Watch this space… Black bra, pink top. Stay tuned!”

Am I personally worried? No, not at all because obviously no such video exists and unless someone spends a lot of time & money on having a great fake video made, it’ll be easy to point out that it’s a fake. And if someone does go ahead and use up their resources, then it’ll be a waste because it wouldn’t affect me. I truly have thick skin unlike most Pakistanis I know. What others say about me does not affect me. If I don’t respect someone, then it doesn’t matter to me what they think of me. Why? Because I’m not insecure. It’s just as simple as that.

Similarly, people swearing at me, and calling me any names, doesn’t affect me. Why? Again, I’m not insecure & if I don’t care for someone, then it doesn’t matter what they say. What I aim for self respect and the love of those I love in return.

But what I do pose to everyone is the following question: does criticising a list justify threatening someone with rape & fake porn videos? And does the man who is being included, who had nothing to do with it, deserve this? And do my family deserve this?

In Pakistan, a family’s worth & honour is measured by the sexual purity of the female members of the family. Even if my parents don’t believe that to be true, this live in THIS culture, and in THIS country. What did they do wrong other than spawn me? Do they deserve to be this humiliated? Does my sister, who has nothing, whatsoever to do with my writing, deserve this? And what about my innocent brother in London?

Is this a game, I wonder, called “How Low Can You Go?” If so, congratulations dear offended, you’ve proven that it’s possible to easily hit the lowest of the lows and have proven that it’s possible to be an elite terrorist.