Being Bipolar

From the latest edition of Paper magazine. 

Growing up, I aspired to be rich, successful and famous. I dreamt of becoming a human rights lawyer who would fight all wrongs against humanity and be lauded for it. I also wanted to be a famous novelist, rich enough to own her own island. Like all children of rich, ambitious parents, I equated financial success with happiness. As an adult, I realised how wrong I was. Currently, I’m not working myself into the ground and as a result, am always blissfully broke. Money comes in, money goes out, but slowly it’ll start to trickle in more. Instead of freaking out about not being able to make any savings at the moment, I remind myself daily, how grateful I am that I’m happy. And that’s what matter, that’s what counts.

At the age of 24, I started to take my mental health issues very seriously. I was always a troubled person so when my doctor confirmed for me that years of depression were a misdiagnosis and that I was really bipolar, it all started to make sense. Weird, too intelligent for my own good with an imagination that had a life of its own, I was always living on two planets at once: this world, where I physically belonged but didn’t love, and my own little planet in my head. I hated this vicious, cruel world and aspired to change it. I didn’t belong but I desperately wanted to. I hated this world so much, that the thought of it ending never upset me. The thought of dying and leaving seemed appealing at times. I’ve kept some of the suicide notes I’ve written over the years to remind myself that even when I’ve hit rock bottom, I’ve managed to pull myself up again. They disturb me but they also comfort me and remind me that I’m a survivor and that is something to be proud of.

But I wouldn’t be here, writing this, and sharing my story had it not been for some major life changes and many years of painful therapy. Had I not changed my life, had I not made the effort to overhaul a major part of who I am and taken all the medications, I am convinced I would have been dead. I do not expect you to understand or even comprehend what it is that I go through, but I’m hoping some insight into my condition will help you develop a sense of empathy towards those of us with invisible disabilities.

At the same time as I was being diagnosed and tested for bipolar disorder, I was working at a bank and was downright miserable. I was only working there to please my family who I had a strained relationship with. I desperately wanted my parents to be as proud of me as they were of their “normal” children so even though I was miserable, crying myself to sleep every night and waking up with a sense of dread, I continued. I hated my job and had extreme ethical issues with much of what I was being asked to do and put up with. Other than the work politics, which I later realised was nothing compared to the education industry, being placed in service and treated like an object was dehumanising and made me incredibly angry. Day after day customers got away with abusing me when they were in a bad mood. Aunties got away with grilling me about my love life and marriage plans. Men stood at my desk and stared at me like a sex object. No matter what I wore, no matter how conservative my clothes, I was ogled, glared at, asked out and felt more like a sex worker than a banker. There was nothing I could do. Whenever I attempted to complain, or told my misogynist boss that I wasn’t happy, he told me to suck it up because the customer is always right. I didn’t like him and as a result, when I did something good and was praised for it, it didn’t feel good. It just felt empty.

In order to cope, I started self medicating with alcohol and partied hard to relieve all the stress that had accumulated over the week. Needless to say I did incredibly stupid things that I later regretted and actually had no control over my impulsive need to drink when in the company of drinkers. I only gave up when given a choice: alcohol or mental health. The medications I was taking wouldn’t work if I continued to drink so reluctantly, grudgingly, I stopped. Luckily, they helped control my impulse so I was easily able to say no. I instantly started to feel better. My unquiet mind, with its constantly racing, distressing thoughts, was at peace. I was able to sleep. The ticks in my head didn’t keep me up and the silence allowed me to focus. It was probably the best decision I ever made even though it lost me many friends.

When I stopped drinking and decided I would sort my issues out, I realised what a toxic circle of friends and relatives I had around me. Instead of being supportive, many judged me for not drinking and partying excessively like they would. Indeed they only wanted validation and my refusal to give it to them strained our relationships. Many would get drunk and abuse me, killing off the tiny bit of self-esteem I had built up. They never apologised and eventually, instead of forgiving them for it over and over again, I simply cut them out and decided I didn’t need such people in my life. If people who claim they are friends choose not to support you and deliberately aggravate you, there is either something wrong with them, or they simply are not worth investing in emotionally.

At the same time, I made a major career change. I started teaching, something I never thought I’d do. I had a degree in women’s studies and didn’t think teaching would be a career choice that made me happy. Yet it did. Even though I never loved the environment or politics, I loved teaching. It was immensely rewarding and made me feel good. It also allowed me to be creative and forced me to remain open minded. Through teaching, I could change the world like I had always wanted to. It also inspired me to start blogging and writing on a regular basis.

Because of teaching, blogging and activism, I also met many wonderful people who I am now proud to call friends. The elite bubble I had earlier associated with slipped away into oblivion and there’s no going back. There’s no going back to a culture that I personally find toxic. Most of the elite I know have a sense of entitlement that makes them supremely unsympathetic to the horrific world around them. I have heard them make statements so callous that they have left me wounded. They judge me based on how much money I’m making and most have told me, to my face, that teaching is noble but not enough. They cannot comprehend that the pursuit for money is not something everyone aspires to and they judge those who don’t. They don’t understand any perspectives other than their own, and as a result, I find that culture toxic and intolerant.

Another form of support in my life other than my doctors and family are many other bipolar people around me. I’ve been active on bipolar forums and support groups for many years now and they have served as an incredible form of strength. Therapy, along with medication, is crucial for recovery but doctors can’t always be available, nor is it feasible to rely on just one doctor alone. Support groups are a form of group therapy and we provide each other with a lot of motivation. We keep each other going through the hard days and we all provide support, without judgement, because we can truly understand unlike those who have never experienced severe mood shifts.

I teach critical thinking and believe in constant self-reflection which most people in this country resist. We don’t admit our wrongs. Instead we point fingers and blame others. I honestly feel we suffer from a collective psychosis and if you have mental health issues, this attitude is dangerous. It is dangerous because the process of recovery and learning to cope in this world necessarily requires self reflection and being forced to confront your mistakes. Unless you can do that, you cannot get better. It’s easy to convince ourselves that we aren’t the problem. I know. I’ve been there. But that state of mind, when one is nothing but just a victim, is counterproductive and doesn’t lead to any healing. Instead it only leads to pain, bitterness and anger.

I turn a blind eye to those who judge me for who I am. Years of teaching, writing and part time activism have made me a thick skinned and strong woman who knows her strengths. I’ve also made the effort to study my illness, to understand it, to do what I need to in order to stay functional and happy such as avoiding all triggers. I decline late nights, no matter what, because unlike others, I need a full eight hours of sleep. Those who love me truly understand and do not mind my absence. Without restful sleep, my day is ruined and there’s a danger I will have an episode.

These days I only work part time. I no longer associate with any schools and quite easily gave up a very prestigious teaching position because it was making me miserable. I now work when I can and when I can’t; I do not have to medicate myself into a stupor just to function. I’ve learnt to value and crave stability over financial gain or societal approval. It honestly doesn’t mean much without happiness. Sadly, I still see so many bipolar people stuck in this vicious trap, miserable and in immense pain. As a success story, I’m hoping this inspires them to become pro active and take their life into their own hands. If I can do it, anyone can.

Download PDF: Being bipolar

Paper’s latest issue is available now & also available on ipad.

THIS! “One suggestion is to aim for an intellectual revolt, a revolution of the minds, an overthrowing of the thrall in which our rulers have enmeshed us for decades – a declaration that from today we cease to believe the lies on which we have been fed, nurtured and reared.”

Let’s do this.

TheSouthAsianIdea Weblog

By Anjum Altaf

The peculiar thing about South Asia is that it has not had a social revolution. Compare it with Europe or Russia or China where feudal, monarchical or other pre-modern forms of governance were swept away to be replaced by new ruling classes. Social revolutions preceded modern forms of governance, democratic or autocratic. South Asia moved from pre-modern to modern forms of governance, midwifed by the British, but the same social class remained in charge reinventing itself in new roles.

What are the implications of South Asia skipping a social revolution? For one, our forms of governance are modern only in appearance; their spirit remains essentially unchanged. For evidence, look at the amazing prevalence of dynastic rule across the region, from the upper echelons down to the composition of the subnational assemblies. The ethos of the region remains distinctly monarchical, both for the rulers and the ruled, with…

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The women MPAs are walking out of Punjab assembly tomorrow (Friday 22 June 2012) morning at 10:30. Please join them to show your support. A culture where violence against women has become so systemic won’t change if we are silent or apathetic.

waflahore

Women’s Action Forum Lahore condemns, in the strongest terms possible and demands stern action against Member Punjab Assembly, Sheikh Allauddin of the Unification Block for using abusive and filthy language for women members of the house on 20^th June 2012. It also condemns those members who supported this behaviour through desk thumping.

Sheikh Allaudin, who is himself a ‘floor crosser’, has a history of using derogatory language against women including vulgar and filthy gestures. It is a matter of deep concern that instead of condemning his behaviour ruling party MPAs and their allies gave him full support as manifested through the physical assault and harassment of women MPAs on the following day. This behaviour has shamed the nation and bodes ill for the future as it denigrates women and encourages violence against them.

WAF is appalled by the silence of the Chief Minister and his aides who make tall…

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Lock up the lazy bloggers?

A few months ago, our social conscience, the greatest most ethical journalists in the world, Cafe Pyala, blatantly lied about me and even after being informed they were incorrect, they didn’t correct their error. I didn’t want it removed at all because I want the world to see just how easily people lie about bipolar people (by assuming the worst in us) simply because we are bipolar. I want this to remain up there forever so that I can convince any manic bipolar person not to come out to the public. Many think writing an article like I did will be a wonderful idea. It’s not. Truth be told, I regret coming out because society isn’t ready. And even those who claim they are sensitive to my disability really aren’t and end up assuming all sorts of things about me based on stereotypes. For example, if I rant or make an angry statement, people end up assuming I’m manic or having some severe rage. I can no longer just be annoyed or amused. Everyone will assume an extreme.

But back to Pyala who can’t even spell my name correctly (it’s Shaikh with an A). Seems rather lazy not to check how I spell it but anyway… Pyala claims I invaded a journalist’s privacy when I did no such thing. The journalist in question had all these details up on line. But in order to mock a bipolar woman, I guess it’s ok to define reading something that’s publicly available to all as “invasion of privacy”. Secondly, no summer plans could possibly get ruined because the profile is very old. Unless Pyala thinks I have a time machine, I cannot possibly ruin someone’s plans that have already occurred.

But that’s not my point. My main point here is that any of us can selectively use tweets to defame anyone. And here are some of Pyala’s tweets to analyze:

Cretin, a word so loaded, so abusive is easily used by Pyala. It mocks the weak, the infirm.

Apparently the very intellectual team is unaware that words like lunatic aren’t ok to use. They are actually unaware that words like lunatic are extremely demeaning to those of us with mental health issues. Yeah, I buy that.

Pyala’s tweets aren’t free of misogyny either.

Ah yes, if a woman’s a presenter, then her appearance is fair game. And if her haircut is bad, it’s because her husband cut it at home because men can’t cut hair and women MUST look good.

I have many more but I’m saving them for a workshop. Moving on to ad hominems:

Maybe because they’re in good company?

And here’s Mr XYZ making a personal attack on another author on facebook. Don’t worry, I’ve protected his identity. I know who the team members are and unlike most Pakistanis, the last thing I want is to get back at them by telling the world who they are (most people already know anyway). Logical deconstruction and the fallacies they constantly provide me are the best revenge.

The Pyala team, just like the rest of us, loves to preach but not act. I’m getting tired of being someone who is always ready to point out flaws but never reflect. I’m tired of Pakistanis being so unhappy in life that the only satisfaction we get is by being nasty and then basking in our own intellectual glory. I want no part of it. And I do, indeed, deeply fear the massive backlash I will face because of this.

Part of the problem

I’m irritated. I’m irritated because I live in a country where people can’t see themselves as a systemic part of the problem, only as saviours & champions. One would think that adults would realise that when someone refers to say the elite, or the rich, then they are referring to the collective, looking at it critically and not targeting individuals. Perhaps our persecution complex has become so deep rooted that only deprogramming will remove it…

I’ll give you an example. A few days ago I was talking to someone about the fashion industry and it lead to a conversation about how we all perpetuate the beauty myth. We are all part of the system that allows it to flourish. Whining about it without challenging it is ludicrous.

At one point, I said: “mothers, too, force their daughters to comply with norms like encouraging them to wear high heels and ignore the pain.” At that point, my mother & sister went into uproar. Total outrage. “No they don’t! No mother I know does that!” My mother then added, “I never did that that to you!” Clearly they weren’t making the effort to listen to my words. They were simply assuming that I was referring to my mother (because any daughter who uses the word “mother” must only be talking about her mother, right?). I told them both to watch Toddlers & Tiaras.

My mother may not have forced me into high heels but perhaps she’s forgotten that she had to bribe me in order to endure waxing at a young age. I remember crying & hiding and could only be coaxed to endure it if I was given enough candy, money and comic books. Of course, this then lead to a very jealous younger brother who went ahead & got his arms waxed because he too wanted candy. Poor thing. I don’t blame him.

Deliberating inflicting pain on your daughter simply out of the fear that her hairy body will turn men away can definitely be classified as anti feminist. And just because she, a feminist, chose to do this, doesn’t make this ok. Nor does her association with WAF give her a free pass. She is part of the system that encouraged her to raise a daughter who, like most women, hated her body for years. Feminists aren’t immune to it at all.

Pakistan is flawed because we are flawed. Pakistan is corrupt because we are corrupt. And nepotism, which we only protest when the Bhutto’s perpetuate it, is rampant, accepted and common. This is a system that we are all part of and simply pointing fingers will do nothing but create a whiny culture with a severe persecution complex. Acknowledging oneself as part of the problem can lead to change.

PS: this post was inspired by an aunty who unfollowed me on twitter. See here’s the thing. This aunty was VERY encouraging until I tweeted about her son harasses women. I guess seeing me out her flesh & blood was too much for her. It’s ok for me to be critical of anyone who isn’t related to her it seems. Ironically this aunty is also a “champion & saviour” of women’s rights. Like most elite feminists, she gives elite men a free pass to do as they please. They aren’t part of the system or part of the problem in her worldview. I think this explains why so much of our activism is unsuccessful.

Details of my critical thinking course

New session starting soon!

Introduction to critical thinking: what is critical thinking? What are the 5 pillars? Can it really be taught?

Introduction to critical reading

Aristotelian appeals: logos, ethos & pathos

What is rhetoric? What is the rhetorical situation?

Persuasion/argumentation:

• What is argumentation?
• Claims, warrants, premises and conclusions
• Identifying premises & conclusions with exercises

50 fallacies are included including ad hominem, red herring, straw man, amphiboly, appeal to tradition etc. 3 sessions are dedicated to explaining the fallacies & one session is devoted to doing exercises.

One class is dedicated to comparative religion and herstory

Moral dilemmas are introduced and worked through in class

Media ethics are discussed with examples from newspapers/tv. We discuss how the media in Pakistan often violates their own ethical guidelines.

Plato’s Allegory of the Cave is read and discussed. In this session, we discuss the nature of “truth”.

Distinguishing reliable sources from unreliable “noise” is also taught.

The course concludes with a presentation (argument speech) by the participants.

Academic Terrorism

Nothing makes my blood boil more than when educators indulge in hate mongering, which is just too common in Pakistan. And they get away with it over and over again. They get away with hate speech and they get away with the most heinous crimes like threatening students based on their beliefs. It happens all the time without notice, without noise, without media attention. Anyone remember the case of the Ahmadi student who was expelled from Comsats because of her belief? Jahanzaib Haque blogged about it and asked “How do you fight an enemy planted inside the mind itself?” How indeed. All we can do is make noise.

So in the spirit of making noise, I stand by Arsalan Bilal who was recently unfairly rusticated (seriously hate using this archaic word but it’s fitting since targetting someone based on their belief should be archaic) from Bahria University, Islamabad. Details from The Nation:

A student of Bahria University, who was rusticated on the charges of threatening his faculty members by emailing them revolutionary poems, has decided to go on hunger strike on Friday (today), alleging victimisation at the hands of university administration for questioning the governing of the institution.

Arsalan Bilal, a student of Department of Humanities and Social Science, Bahria University, has decided to go on a hunger strike for an indefinite time period from Friday (today) in front of the university.

According to him, he has been subjected to the most appalling form of “academic terrorism” on campus as he was discriminated against and victimised by the university management and purported academics.

He said that he was rusticated from the university on the pretext that he is psychologically unstable, and had threatened his faculty members by emailing them revolutionary poems of Faiz Ahmed Faiz and Noon Meem Rashid.

The student who has been studying on merit scholarship in the university believes that he was victimised for raising questions, in various discussion sessions, over the manner in which the military management and ‘pseudo intellectuals’ of Bahria University were governing the institution.

He alleges that he was marginalized as he belonged to a minority sect, which is pervasively persecuted across the country. It is noteworthy that Bilal was repeatedly discouraged from conducting his undergraduate research on “Politicisation of religion in Pakistan”.

It is worth mentioning that a lecturer of the university, Qamar Riaz, was also maltreated and fired by the management on raising a question at a seminar regarding governing of the institution.

“The students had protested to reinstate him and I have been victimised for being an active student in the movement, Bilal alleged.

Demanding dignified restoration with apology from university management Bilal has resolved not to call off his hunger strike until his demands are fulfilled. He sought cessation of all kinds of discrimination on the basis of race, caste, creed, religion, affiliation, etc. on campus.

He has demanded abolishment of dress code at the university and to render more need-based scholarships to students by eliminating fee discounts for children of naval officers.

He has also sought the replacement of all retired military officers in the university gradually by qualified civilians and all serving military officers in the university be directed to quit their jobs and return to purely military functions.

He said the post of director campus should be occupied by a highly qualified academic and the plagiarism check policy on faculty members be tighten.

When an official of the university was contacted to have his comments he said there is no official spokesperson of the university right now so it is better not to include the official version of the university in the story.

This is the press release I was sent:

Announcement of indefinite Hunger Strike by Mr. Arsalan Bilal

Arsalan Bilal, a student of Bahria University, has decided to go on a hunger strike for an indefinite time period from Friday, April 6, 2012 in front of Bahria University Headquarters, Margalla Road, Islamabad. Bilal was subjected to the most appalling form of “Academic Terrorism” on campus as he was discriminated against and victimized by Bahria University’s top management and purported academics. Arsalan Bilal was rusticated from the university on the pretext that he is psychologically unstable, and had threatened his faculty members by emailing them revolutionary poems of Faiz Ahmed Faiz and Noon Meem Rashid.

Bilal, who has been studying on merit scholarship in that same university, believes that he was victimized for raising questions, in various discussion sessions, over the manner in which the military management and pseudo intellectuals of Bahria University were governing the institution. Moreover, Bilal was marginalized as he belonged to a minority sect, which is pervasively persecuted across the country. It is noteworthy that Bilal was repeatedly discouraged from conducting his undergraduate research on “Politicization of religion in Pakistan”.

Bilal has resolved not to call off his hunger strike until the following 14 demands are fulfilled:

1- Dignified restoration of Arsalan Bilal with apology from university’s management
2- Redress all grievances by reprimanding those responsible for committing atrocities on Bilal
3- Cessation of all kinds of discrimination on basis of race, caste, creed, religion, affiliation, etc. on campus
4- All serving military officers in the university be directed to quit their jobs and return to purely military functions
5- All retired military officers in the university be gradually supplanted by qualified civilians
6- Post of Director Campus should be occupied by a highly qualified academic
7- Purge the university of pseudo intellectuals
8- Constitute a special autonomous body of academics to ensure checks on faculty members
9- Tighten the plagiarism check policy on faculty members
10- Decision to retain faculty members should hinge on students’ feedback
11- Empower Students’ Affairs department for allaying apprehensions of students
12- Public proceedings of all cases before the discipline committee
13- Abolish dress code
14- Render more need-based scholarships to students by eliminating fee discounts for children of naval officers
If you’d like to know more on the subject, or schedule an interview with Mr. Arsalan Bilal, please call his media spokesperson, Mohammad Hissan Khan on +92 (0)321 5899 478, or email him at hissankhan@hotmail.com.

 Here is Arsalan explaining what happened:

You can find updates on this facebook page.

Arsalan’s hunger strike alone won’t change anything. As someone who was worked in the education sector, I know the sector as a whole couldn’t care less. What will make a difference is supporting Arsalan and other students like him who want to make a change and aren’t afraid to challenge the powers that be.

DO NOT read this blog post

I just want to start by saying that if you’re the kind of person who doesn’t like what I have to say, then what you are doing here, on my blog? If you have issues with the way I write or what I address, then please it’s best for you to leave now. If you’d like to read on, then I wonder why you’re making the effort to choose to be offended. Perhaps you, like most Pakistanis, suffer from a severe persecution complex but are in deep denial of it (don’t know what that is? Click here!). I don’t know and I don’t care. What I do care about is that there are people who choose to come read me, make a big issue about what I say, and then cry about it. Funny thing is, these are the same people who’ll insist Rushdie did no wrong and that only idiots make a big deal out of not much. The irony is amazing!

I have a brilliant idea for you all. DON’T. READ. THIS. BLOG. Go here instead. It’s more up your alley.

You still here? Not willing to leave? Ok then. I won’t tell you what this blog is about. I’ll tell you about what it’s not. I’ve recently decided there are certain topics I should not write about because they have to do with the elite. And since we know the elite are our saviours and champions, I must not have anything but praise for them.

So the elite are our champions, I urge you: don’t buy this propaganda against them that circulates the internet from bitter, jealous, insecure fools. They’re the kind of fools who call them liberal fascists and spread lies to further their interests.

For example: no privileged Pakistani has ever actually killed someone while drunk driving. That rumour stems from the jealous middle classes who can’t afford champagne. I mean come on! Drunk driving hasn’t killed ANYONE. If it did, wouldn’t many people be serving time in jail? It certainly isn’t easy to get out of convictions if you’re rich. Not at all.

“Haan mein nay mara tha! I did his family a favour. They’ve probably never seen so much money!” has never been said with glee. Those words have never been uttered. No one is that insensitive. And, like I said, NO ONE has ever run over a sleeping worker on the side of the road and ended his life. No one. That’s all lies and propaganda. I mean they’re rich enough to have drivers to drive them. They don’t need to get behind the wheel while judgement is impaired. No one ever tempted to do that. Ever. Ever. Ever.

Similarly, no rich, self identified liberal Pakistani has ever given a bribe or received one. They are immune to the epidemic the rest of the society suffers from, our lords, champions and saviours! For example, they have never, ever, ever bribed powerful people in the industry they are associated with. They have never done any judges any favours. They have never made promises to any politicians. They certainly haven’t ever made a powerful network with the army wallahs (those scums!). They’re lily white. Don’t you ever forget that.

The elite are also the biggest feminists in Pakistan. If it weren’t for them, women would have no rights. We’d be sitting in our chaadar and char diwaari. We owe them everything. Don’t believe me? Just see how wonderfully they treat their women. No elite man cheats on his wife openly. No elite uncles molest girls or sexually exploits 18 year olds. No elite man beats his wife and they certainly don’t slap women across the face when drunk at parties. No elite man date rapes anyone. No elite man ever emotionally devastates a woman. No elite gay man has ever married a young girl & turned her into a baby machine for himself. No elite man pressures his daughter to marry someone to further his business interests. No elite man denies his daughter her right to education and gets her married instead. No elite families give grand dowries. No elite people truly think women are secondary to men. That’s why elite women have such high divorce rates: when they do accidentally marry an idiot (always “middle class”), rest assured NO ONE in their families gives a hard time or tells her to make it work. Rest assured they NEVER blame the woman. Rest assured they are nothing but an incredible support system. No elite mother has ever said: “deal with it beti, your father did all this to me too!” to her daughter and sent her back to beaten. That has never, ever happened. All elite treat women wonderfully. That’s why the elite women are so well adjusted and so wise. Anyone who says otherwise is a… yes, say it with me: jealous and insecure fool!

The elite are also the most hamdard people in Pakistan. They feel everyone’s pain on a profound level. They truly understand the poor people’s suffering. They cry for them. They treat them better than anyone in this society. Their servants have servants! Go to the back of any elite house and you’ll see a palatial area, fully air conditioned, nothing squalid or dirty. Their servants live like kings which is why no servant has ever stolen or gone as far as murdered their benevolent employees. After all, elite boys don’t get drunk, line up servants against a wall and throw water balloons at them. That has never happened.

Did you know that the money the elite spend on their grand weddings is nothing compared to how much charity they give? Also, these weddings aren’t grand displays of wealth at all. We stupidly think so because we’re too poor to know any better. We’re also wrong to believe that these weddings puts pressure on all other classes to do the same. We’re totally wrong in thinking that if these events were less ostentatious, others may not feel so pressured. When the other classes choose to sacrifice their daughter’s education in order to give her a grand wedding, then they are the idiots for making the wrong choice. Elitism had nothing to do with it.

Our elite are NOT hypocrites. No, not at all. They praise me for criticising everyone they don’t like, but lose it when I comment on elitism. You see, dear readers, I’m the one who doesn’t know any better. I’m wrong. I’m just plain insane about this but not much else.

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Engaged pedagogy

On Saturday, I delivered a talk on applying critical thinking skills in the classroom to 450 teachers in Islamabad. Here is the write up I’ve sent them.

Is this image familiar? It certainly spoke to me. This is how I felt about education as a child in Pakistan but not later, when in an International Baccalaureate sixth form college. As a student of the International Baccalaureate whose base was weak in critical thinking (thanks to the private Pakistani schools I had attended), I struggled. But even today, I remember much of what I learnt. I retained it. I still remember my tedious critical thinking classes, taught in the form of a compulsory subject called Theory of Knowledge. I still use what I learnt there. Did I just get lucky? Or was it because I was no longer part of a passive education system?

We, Pakistani teachers, are passive educators and today I appeal to you to band together to get rid of this system for it has too many disadvantages. It promotes authoritarianism, suppresses thoughtful inquiry and has a negative impact on creativity & imagination. Furthermore, it doesn’t teach students how to “learn to learn” or make informed decisions. It creates a culture of dependency and it certainly doesn’t motivate. Can we even call this real education? I certainly can’t.

Children are born critical thinkers. We, the adults, actively suppress that skill they are born with. According to bell hooks, “thinking is an action” but our children are taught to fear it at home and in schools. As a result, they reach college unprepared and struggle with critical thinking courses. Many are unable to think critically and some are unwilling. They are scared of philosophy and say it is “useless”. It is a struggle to teach them and it is a struggle for them to learn something so basic: how to think. Should it have to be?

Currently, we live in a culture where lecturing is the norm and we believe that it is important to lecture. It is, after all, a skill they must learn. However, lecturing is a passive activity which has many drawbacks. I know I’m not the only teacher who believes that lecturing is counterproductive. It discourages participation because it isn’t easy to make a connection with listeners. It is incredibly boring. The message we are sending non critical thinkers, who cannot be active listeners, seems to be “learning is NOT fun kid, and you better know it from the start!”

In order to break this culture, we should move away from lecturing to interacting. According to bell hooks, “engaged pedagogy begins with the assumption that we learn best when there is an interactive relationship between student and teacher.” Students become active participants but they must be provided a safe space where everyone is free to respectfully disagree.

So what can we do? Here are a few tips:

Make this a golden rule: our job is to teach, not preach. Always be open minded and be aware of your biases & prejudices. Don’t be judgemental (but be skeptical) and always be open to new ideas and perspectives.

Don’t be scared of being challenged by a student. Students should be free to disagree or ask clarifying questions. That is how they will learn!

If a student asks you the answer to a question you don’t know the answer to, say “I’ll look it up & get back to you”. It is much better than giving misinformation or silencing a curious mind. Remember that we’re human and it’s ok to expose our humanity to our students. We are not robots and we shouldn’t be afraid to share our stories or emotions. We shouldn’t be afraid of not knowing an answer. It’s certainly better to be respected for being human than it is to get faux respect out of fear.

Encourage your students to work towards the solution of the problems you’ve posed instead of spoon feeding them. Even if they can’t solve the problem in class, don’t answer it. Let them go find the answer. One may come and give it to you herself in the next class!

Encourage and teach argumentation instead of only debating.

Expose students to diversity and alternate perspectives even if you don’t agree with the alternate perspectives. You owe it to them!

Teach logic and promote logical thought.

Encourage creativity in all subjects. It’s possible! As a student of IB higher level math, I had to complete a portfolio which I found incredibly tedious. I later realised it was very valuable.

Please do allow the students to use their imaginations and be creative.

Insist on small class sizes.

We, teachers, should be lifelong learners. We also teach by example: stern, unbending, judgemental, paternalistic attitudes aren’t conducive to critical thought!